i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
