Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
