i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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