I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this boner is exhausting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
