I haven't been this sober since birth.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
