I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
