We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He felt like a one man threesome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
