Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
