I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
