I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
