I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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