and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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