Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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