I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
