If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This toilet bowl is my home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
