Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
