You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
