My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
