I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want nice things and good sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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