Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
