your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
