I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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