It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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