so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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