who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
