he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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