Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
