There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
