I'm drive I can fine osifer
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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