she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
