you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
40s are totally the cure
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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