What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
