this boner is exhausting
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
