I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
