The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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