Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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