I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
