Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
