So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
