i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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