guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Two words: blizzard sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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