I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
