I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
