Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
