I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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