he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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