I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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