He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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