Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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