I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
