My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
