On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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