Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
