i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
