ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
