If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize