can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
