You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
