I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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