There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
