btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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