im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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